Marriage According To Me

Be Faithful One of the things that stood out to me was just to be faithful.  I liked the idea that was shared that if your spouse knew what you were doing would they approve?  If your spouse was doing something that you were doing right then would you approve?  If you have to ask those two questions you probably should remove yourself from that situation.  Luckily my spouse and I have been very faithful our 23 years of marriage, but there was a time that a man paid me some attention, not in a sexual way but just as a friend and I didn't think anything of it at first but quickly realized I could not give him the impression that it was ok for us to have even a friendship, because I could see where it could go down the road.  There was also a time that a man from our ward was texting me, nothing inappropriate but it made me uncomfortable after a few texts that were innocent but he just kept texting me.  I told my husband about it and again they were innocen...

I learned several things from Gottman's book.  Guess what, I don't have it all figured out! Haha, no really.  I love my relationship with my husband, we have fun together and typically communicate well and enjoy being with each other.  I learned that there are many areas I can improve upon.  I learned that "stonewalling" or a "cold shoulder" is how I typically deal with conflict and usually that perpetuates the problem. It has already helped us in our marriage by me recognizing that and making sure that I am communicating instead of trying to pretend it's not there.  I learned that repair attempts help make a disagreement not become a huge deal.  I learned that there is nothing a couple cannot come back from if they are both willing to be humble and do the work that is required to have a happy marriage.    Gottman sums up perfectly how we can continue to improve our own marriages.  He said, "Even making just a small gently shift in the tra...

The underlying key to successfully address conflict I think is the feeling you have towards your spouse when not discussing conflicts.  What is your relationship based on?  How do you feel about your spouse typically?  I think when you truly love someone you don't want to hurt them or be little them even in the midst of conflict.  When you can communicate your issue in a humble and teachable manner then the issue is solvable or at least workable and you can maintain the loving feelings for your spouse.  Obviously, sometimes we have quick reactions but as we learned from Elder Robins in "Agency and Anger," we can control our anger and our responses in these situations.  Elder Robins stated, " Unchecked, anger can quickly trigger an explosion of cruel words and other forms of emotional abuse that can scar a tender heart."  I really loved this quote and it was a great reminder.  I think my husband and I have a good handle on controlling our anger ...